Heroes
by Ryuuen Chou
Summary: What makes a person a hero? Is it courage, selflessness, compassion? Is it just because you win? What is a hero? Shin thinks he knows. (Shin POV) (shounen-ai, deathfic)


Heroes by Ryuuen  
  
Summary: What makes a person a hero? Is it courage, selflessness, compassion? Is it just because you win? What is a hero? Shin thinks he knows. (Shin POV)  
  
Warnings: DEATHFIC, shounen-ai.  
  
Song: "Unsung Hero" by Tina Arena.  
  
HEROES  
  
You sit in silence in the shadows; you don't complain or criticize. And while the world may see me as a fool they're not looking through your eyes.  
  
I remember that day, by the water. You stood by that tree there, the ancient willow, and you looked out across the water and the sky. At the line where lake and heaven met, it was almost impossible to tell which was which. The water had reflected what was above so perfectly. You said it reminded you of the two of us. You said that we were meant to be one. Then you sighed, leaned back against the tree, and reached out, took my hand. You told me in a soft voice that I was your hero. I chuckled and asked how that was, and you replied that if it weren't for me, you would have killed yourself long ago. Shocked into silence, I had merely stared at you, feeling tears pricking my eyes at the thought of your death. You told me that I had helped you, that because of me you were still there. Then you reached out your arms and held me, said not to worry, because you would never leave me. We were meant to be together, always. Like the water and the skyline. It seemed as if one could not exist without the other, didn't it? That's what you had said.  
  
You never complained about anything. I could cry on your shoulder for hours after a battle, just about how horrible it was, and you never complained or asked me to leave. You just whispered reassurances to me and made me feel like I could live again. That kind of patience, that kind of love...  
  
That was one of the things I loved the most about you. Outwardly, you were sarcastic, cool and cynical, intelligent but distant. But to me.. you were compassionate, gentle and generous, kind and warm. It was so different. I loved you, and you loved me, and we were happy. You said once that with me you found a happiness you had never felt before in your life. I was so glad that I could give you that.  
  
But now... now it seems different to me. Every memory just brings pain.  
  
No questions asked, you're there when I need you, with a love that inspires me to be everything you deserve.  
  
...I still remember our first kiss. On the balcony outside the room you shared with Seiji, you had looked at me with your midnight eyes filled with a hope that I hadn't, at first, understood. With red cheeks, you had confessed a crush on me, brushed your lips against mine hesitantly, barely a whisper of touch. I had been so shocked, rendered speechless by your soft words. I saw your disappointment when I didn't answer immediately, but when I did give you my response, you nearly cried for joy. At that time, I didn't understand that kind of happiness, all because of me. Now, I understand. I understand why you cried the first time I said "I love you". I understand why you trembled from my touch, as though afraid of it, of me, the first time. I understand all that I didn't understand then. You looked so beautiful then, too... the starlight flashing off of your eyes, which were the same color as the night sky above us, your slender frame outlined by the moonlight that was our only illumination. And when we kissed for the second time, and I put my arms around you so carefully, how I marveled at how soft your lips were, at how beautiful you were. How this could be mine.. this love. And it was.  
  
You always denied it when I said that you were beautiful, that you were special. You laughed it off and said that I was lying to make you feel better, but I could see the flush on your cheeks, the thanks in your eyes. You knew that I was telling the truth, but you had been told so many times how bad you were that you had begun to believe it. It made me want to harm whoever had hurt you like that, but you never told me, only hinted, refused to speak it aloud. I can understand that, too, though.  
  
These memories, they hurt so much for me... I wish.. I wish you were here, to kiss away the pain, to laugh with me, or just hold me again, like you used to.  
  
Cause you're my unsung hero and I know it's not easy to walk in your shoes. Day after day, you continue to amaze me. Now I sing this song of love for you.  
  
The first time I noticed how you watched me during our battles, I got angry. Asked why you were paying special attention to me, when the others needed help, too. You kissed me on the lips and said frankly that it was because you loved me, and you wouldn't let anyone hurt me. You said you wanted to protect me. Though now... now I understand this, too, more fully. You were afraid to lose me, weren't you? You were so afraid that I would leave, or that something would take me away from you. You couldn't stand the thought of my going away, you told me once, of my dying. I know how hard it was for you, to look at the horizon before each battle and know that it could be our last. It was hard for me, too. But now...  
  
...now I wish that you had listened to me, and stopped protecting me so much. I.. I miss you, you know.  
  
While others long to steal the spotlight, you work your magic quietly; cause you're not in it for the glory. The love you give comes naturally.  
  
You were so kind to me, so lovely and generous. I loved you with all of my heart. There are still days when I don't know what to do, without you here. The others were afraid that I was going to try to kill myself, but I wouldn't do that. Shuu was the only one who understood that. I couldn't kill myself. I know that you wouldn't want me to do that. But is it selfish of me to want to see you again? There are the days when I don't know how to live anymore, and I cry and I don't want to get out of bed. The others don't make me. They let me lie there, and I'm thankful. The days that I remember... lying in your arms, or me holding you, watching the sun come up as I waited for you to wake up. It never seemed as hard for you to wake up when I was there, as it was before we were together. The morning were always kind to us. We could lie there and watch the gentle sunrise, and it seemed that as long as we were together, the sun would always be good to us, and there weren't any clouds in the sky. But perhaps it only seemed that way because we were in love. The others try to understand, but they don't. Perhaps, someday, they will, though I hope that they never do. To understand would be to go through it, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. This kind of pain.. I don't think anyone deserves it.  
  
I remember.. the morning after you.. after you left.. lying in bed, pretending that you were still there. I wept because I couldn't feel you there. I wept because you never would be again.  
  
I may not have much.. what I have, I give it to you. This song that I sing is my gift, and I swear that I mean every word.  
  
None of us saw it coming. It had been a hard battle. It seemed like for every Youja soldier we cut down, three more stood to take it's place. We were surrounded. Of course, we had gotten somewhat content with life without Arago until that point. No one expected him to return. So when he did, we were less than prepared. I didn't even realize what had happened until I heard your cry, and the sound of metal on metal, grating, the soldier's naginata against your armor, cutting through. I turned to see you, not three feet away from me, blocking the naginata that should have hit me, but hit you instead. I felt it in my heart, then. The break. Knew then what was going to happen. Shuu told me, later, that I had cried out, but I don't remember that. I barely remember any of it. It's all a blur, and I think it's better off that way... I would rather remember you as you were in life, rather than as you were leaving it. I want to remember the times we had together, even if it hurts. Even if it feels like the pain is so bad that it feels like I'm going to die.  
  
I remember... you saying goodbye to me, though... I remember.. you told me to live on, you told me you loved me. You made me promise not to do anything stupid, to take care of myself and keep living. You swore to watch over me always. And then you were gone, and I could no longer feel your breath against the hand I held to your cheek, could no longer feel your heart beating in your chest. That was when Shuu said I passed out... again, I don't remember it. But I remember you. And that's all that matters, isn't it?  
  
My unsung hero.. And I know it's not easy to walk in your shoes. Day after day, you continue to amaze me. Now I sing this song of love for you.  
  
This is my goodbye, I suppose.. you told me to keep living.. you wanted me to be happy.. I don't know how I will accomplish that, but I'll try my best, because... you wanted me to. We've got to continue the fight, though none of us is sure how we'll do it without you. Your calm intelligence, and hidden strength... we need you. I need you. But you're not here, and you never will be again. I have to accept that. I think I almost have. I'll always miss you, never forget you, but... maybe now.. maybe now the memories won't be as painful. Maybe now it won't hurt as much.  
  
Touma..? I just wanted you to know.. when you called me your hero? I'm nobody's hero, Touma. But you are.  
  
You're mine.  
  
And I love you.  
  
...you are my hero.  
  
=owari= 


End file.
